Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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