i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
