I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
