We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
