I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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