she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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