we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
