You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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