To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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