i think my mom watched the whole time
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
