its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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