I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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