i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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