I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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