i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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