the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
