i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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