cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
