Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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