Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
