i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
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