then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
