that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
