I got chris browned last night
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
