I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
