the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
