Someone shit on the floor
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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