Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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