my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
