if i died would you start the facebook group?
and she was petting her beer can
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
