Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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