FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
