Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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