oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
