We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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