Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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