upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We got so high we made milksteak
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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