glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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