The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
