I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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