i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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