3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
