He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
