I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
