and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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