Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i already hear my dad disowning me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
well you can't waste a boner
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
