Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
