There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
