i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
