He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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