Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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