I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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