I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
