If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
