I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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