so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...