I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
