Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
