I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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