I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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