Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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