Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
