So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
