Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
