So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
