we're blogging at a bar
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
