i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
