i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
